This review, as much as I can remember, is brought to you by JIM BEAM.
It all starts as my carry-on luggage is getting scanned while going through security at Long Island's Islip
Airport. My body had no problem clearing security. It's too bad I can't say the same for my bags.
I totally abuse the one carry-on and one personal item rule. My personal item passed with flying colors.
No one seemed to care that I had a small flask of Jim Beam and two 20-ounce ginger ale bottles in it. My
carry-on was a whole other story. The guy sitting by the x-ray machine looking at everything that passes
through stopped the belt. He seemed a bit concerned. He called someone over to look at the screen.
Then that person called another person over. So there I am, skipping since all I can think about is getting
on that boat, and I have these three security guys staring at the insides of my carry-on. They are all saying
"I don't know what it is, do you?"
Talk about Moe, Larry, and Curly. What an act these three were. And hey, I'm not even skeered. I
know exactly what the problem is. It's my CD PLAYER. I'm just not sure if it was the actual player or the
fact that the power had been turned on. Since they didn't know what it was, they had to verify that it
wasn't a bomb. I believe it was Moe that said he needed to search my bag. He started with the outer
zipped pockets. He didn't miss a thing. Even commented on the two bottles of Jim Beam that I had neatly
packed inside my carry-on. While Moe was checking out my beam, I took the opportunity to turn one of
the batteries around in the CD player so that I wouldn't have the power going on anymore. If you're
keeping track, that's one flask of Jim beam and two big bottles. I was planning on having me a good time.
It's a good thing this Sharpie always comes prepared, since at this point I had no idea how long this day
would be.
Now that security was quite certain that I didn't have a bomb in my bag, I was ready to head to my gate.
When I had first arrived at the airport, I got a phone call from Orbitz saying that my connecting airport,
Atlanta, was having bad weather; and that the planes were circling for hours before landing. So I knew
that my departure from Islip would be delayed. Once at the gate, I reached for one of the ginger ale
bottles. Now for you avid readers, you know exactly what I had in that ginger ale bottle and that it also
had a sport cap top on it. And which sport cap top fits on the top of soda bottles? That's right the Dasani
water bottle sport caps fit on soda bottles, and they are very hard to find. So I twist open my bottle top
and it makes a hissing noise. Some guy sitting across from me says "you hitting the bottle again". I smile
back and chuckle to myself.
After I had already reached for the second ginger ale bottle that I had packed in my bag, an announcement
comes over the P.A. saying that my flight to Atlanta has been cancelled and that I need to go back to the
ticket counter to re-book my flight. Well, guess who finally stopped skipping? I certainly didn't have
enough time to drive all the way to Miami. Now that everyone from my flight from Islip to Atlanta is now
waiting in the ticket line, they make another announcement that we need to claim our luggage before we go
to the ticket counter. Eventually, I get to the ticket counter. It's at this point that they tell me that they have
me re-routed for a 6 PM-something flight out of Islip into the same airport that's having horrible weather
with a connection that would get me to Miami after midnight. Someone is not a happy camper right now.
What about the party with Amy, Tina, and Vicki the night before we leave for the boat. I did come
prepared, but I don't think I could drink all of that Beam by myself.
Naturally, I ask if there's any other way of getting me into the Miami any earlier. The lady suggested a flight
out of Kennedy Airport. Yikes, that means I would have to go to New York City. So much for the nice
flight out of the local country airport. After I seem interested in that idea, the lady then throws in the point
that I would have to provide my own transportation. They weren't responsible, since they had already
re-booked me on another flight from that airport, whether the re-booking was to my liking or not. There
was another passenger being waited on at the ticket counter next to me. They were suggesting that she go
to Kennedy also. So, Edie (my new friend) and I shared a cab ride to Kennedy airport. So for the next
50 minutes Edie and I get very acquainted. She was traveling with her 15-year old dog. She had just sold
her home of 30 years and was moving to Arizona. I was kind and I didn't bring up that fact that Jamie
O'neal says that THERE IS NO ARIZONA.
After arriving at Kennedy airport, I proceed straight to the check-in counter. It was so much fun the first
time around (at Islip airport); I can't wait to see what happens in this airport. Anyhow, when I left Islip
airport, I had a ticket for two flights, one that would take me to Atlanta (yes the airport with the lousy
weather that started this whole mess) with a connection that was due to get me into Miami by Midnight.
The person at the ticket counter tells me that my flight into Atlanta has been delayed 90 minutes. An arrival
time of 2 am flashes in front of my eyes. At this point, I'm almost in a panic. Finally I ask, what flights they
have into fort Lauderdale. I remember Fort Lauderdale wasn't far from Miami, and at this point I just want
to get somewhere besides Long Island. So she hooks me up with a 5 o'clock flight that will take me
directly to Fort Lauderdale. That meant that I had about three hours to kill. When I went through security
at this airport, I had no problems with my carry-on bag. I even asked, are you sure you don't want to
search my bag and see my CD PLAYER?
My stomach at this point is screaming to feed it, and quick. I grab some chicken and a big glass of
lemonade. The lemonade is the key. It's what I prefer with my Beam. After pouring the lemonade and big
ole shot of Beam into my purple-tailgating cup, I am now good to go. After eating I head towards my gate,
I need a seat by an outlet so that I can charge my cell phone before it completely dies on me. I must have
been halfway through drinking that glass of lemonade when I gave Tina a call. Her and Amy are sitting
down by the water checking out Miami. Apparently, I was already giddy. Go figure after 40 ounces of
beer and what turned out to be almost the entire flask sized bottle of beam. Tina was thinking that I might
already be at my layover in Atlanta. I tell her I'm at Kennedy, her being from Illinois, it doesn't really click
in yet. Tina mentions to Amy that I'm having a good time sitting at Kennedy airport. I hear Amy in the
background, "Kennedy, what is she doing there?"
Exactly, what am I doing here? I'm trying to get my a** to Miami. After saying goodbye to Tina and Amy
I give Vicki a call to see how far down the road she has gotten. I tell her my sad story and what time my
newest flight will get me into Fort Lauderdale. She right away said that she should hit that area around that
time and offered to pick me up. Vicki and I had never met, and we had never even talked on the phone
before today. She was so kind to offer to pick me up. Which she did. It cost me $60 to split the cab
ride from Islip to Kennedy. I didn't want to even think about how much one would cost from Fort
Lauderdale to Miami. Vicki was most definitely a lifesaver that day. Then again, Vicki might have gotten
lost a few times while driving those last 40 minutes to the hotel. Those roads were a bit confusing.
During the course of the early part of the day, I had tickets for five different planes, but in the end, I only
saw one plane. Unfortunately, by the time Vicki and I arrived at our hotel in Miami, which was to be the
site of our big party before getting on the boat, Amy and Tina were both passed out from not sleeping
enough the night before. What's really funny is that you think some people would have learned that it's hard
to travel when you don't go to bed the night before. More about that later.
So now Vicki and I have both been traveling for at least 12 hours. We are hungry, tried, and wanting to
party. It was now after 11 PM, and we needed to find some place open to serve us both some food.
Somehow we wind up on the wrong end of town, that was scary. Eventually, we make our way to the
safer part of town and find some places that are still serving food. After getting some food, we make our
way back to the hotel. At this point we realize how tired we both are and decide that we should just join
the girls in lala land.
Ah, Friday morning has arrived. It's the day we have long been waiting for, the day we board the boat and
get to spend four days with Montgomery Gentry and their band the Wild Bunch. Since Vicki and I arrived
so late last night, no one got to drink any of the Jim Beam I had brought. I still had two almost full bottles
of Beam left. The flask was gone before I ever left Long Island, and I had also opened one of the other
bottles. It was only 9 am, but we needed to drink one of those bottles. There was no way I was
smuggling two bottles of beam on that boat. There were four of us, and there was one bottle that we
needed to drink. How much harm could it do? Yeah right!
So, there I am making drinks for everyone. Shoot Amy had never had Jim Beam before. She was still a
virgin. I poured some soda in a glass for her and then put the Beam on top, but I never stirred it. When
she took a sip, she made such a face. I'm sure all she could taste was the whisky and none of the soda.
Any of the drinks I made after that, I made that they got spun, whether it was my finger or theirs doing the
spinning. After having a few drinks we stopped at the hotel's dinning room for some food. I was already
feeling the effects of the whiskey on an empty stomach.
Now that we fed ourselves some food and some alcohol, it was time to bid farewell to our hotel in
downtown Miami. As we were waiting for our cab to take us to the dock, I wanted to make a phone call.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find my cell phone. For the next 20 minutes I searched for that thing. I checked
the room twice, my luggage, just about everywhere. Before we left the hotel, I left my name and
someone's cell number just in case they found my phone. Apparently, Jim was already having an effect on
me. It was the first of many things I would lose that day. I should have stopped there, but oh no, why stop
when you're having so much fun. We actually didn't finish that bottle. I poured what was left into that
empty Jim Beam flask bottle thinking we'll finish it before we board. While waiting to get to the security
check-in, there was a sign that said something about things that you weren't allowed to bring aboard. I
ducked into the ladies room quickly and dumped that little bottle. Can you say chicken?
It all starts as my carry-on luggage is getting scanned while going through security at Long Island's Islip
Airport. My body had no problem clearing security. It's too bad I can't say the same for my bags.
I totally abuse the one carry-on and one personal item rule. My personal item passed with flying colors.
No one seemed to care that I had a small flask of Jim Beam and two 20-ounce ginger ale bottles in it. My
carry-on was a whole other story. The guy sitting by the x-ray machine looking at everything that passes
through stopped the belt. He seemed a bit concerned. He called someone over to look at the screen.
Then that person called another person over. So there I am, skipping since all I can think about is getting
on that boat, and I have these three security guys staring at the insides of my carry-on. They are all saying
"I don't know what it is, do you?"
Talk about Moe, Larry, and Curly. What an act these three were. And hey, I'm not even skeered. I
know exactly what the problem is. It's my CD PLAYER. I'm just not sure if it was the actual player or the
fact that the power had been turned on. Since they didn't know what it was, they had to verify that it
wasn't a bomb. I believe it was Moe that said he needed to search my bag. He started with the outer
zipped pockets. He didn't miss a thing. Even commented on the two bottles of Jim Beam that I had neatly
packed inside my carry-on. While Moe was checking out my beam, I took the opportunity to turn one of
the batteries around in the CD player so that I wouldn't have the power going on anymore. If you're
keeping track, that's one flask of Jim beam and two big bottles. I was planning on having me a good time.
It's a good thing this Sharpie always comes prepared, since at this point I had no idea how long this day
would be.
Now that security was quite certain that I didn't have a bomb in my bag, I was ready to head to my gate.
When I had first arrived at the airport, I got a phone call from Orbitz saying that my connecting airport,
Atlanta, was having bad weather; and that the planes were circling for hours before landing. So I knew
that my departure from Islip would be delayed. Once at the gate, I reached for one of the ginger ale
bottles. Now for you avid readers, you know exactly what I had in that ginger ale bottle and that it also
had a sport cap top on it. And which sport cap top fits on the top of soda bottles? That's right the Dasani
water bottle sport caps fit on soda bottles, and they are very hard to find. So I twist open my bottle top
and it makes a hissing noise. Some guy sitting across from me says "you hitting the bottle again". I smile
back and chuckle to myself.
After I had already reached for the second ginger ale bottle that I had packed in my bag, an announcement
comes over the P.A. saying that my flight to Atlanta has been cancelled and that I need to go back to the
ticket counter to re-book my flight. Well, guess who finally stopped skipping? I certainly didn't have
enough time to drive all the way to Miami. Now that everyone from my flight from Islip to Atlanta is now
waiting in the ticket line, they make another announcement that we need to claim our luggage before we go
to the ticket counter. Eventually, I get to the ticket counter. It's at this point that they tell me that they have
me re-routed for a 6 PM-something flight out of Islip into the same airport that's having horrible weather
with a connection that would get me to Miami after midnight. Someone is not a happy camper right now.
What about the party with Amy, Tina, and Vicki the night before we leave for the boat. I did come
prepared, but I don't think I could drink all of that Beam by myself.
Naturally, I ask if there's any other way of getting me into the Miami any earlier. The lady suggested a flight
out of Kennedy Airport. Yikes, that means I would have to go to New York City. So much for the nice
flight out of the local country airport. After I seem interested in that idea, the lady then throws in the point
that I would have to provide my own transportation. They weren't responsible, since they had already
re-booked me on another flight from that airport, whether the re-booking was to my liking or not. There
was another passenger being waited on at the ticket counter next to me. They were suggesting that she go
to Kennedy also. So, Edie (my new friend) and I shared a cab ride to Kennedy airport. So for the next
50 minutes Edie and I get very acquainted. She was traveling with her 15-year old dog. She had just sold
her home of 30 years and was moving to Arizona. I was kind and I didn't bring up that fact that Jamie
O'neal says that THERE IS NO ARIZONA.
After arriving at Kennedy airport, I proceed straight to the check-in counter. It was so much fun the first
time around (at Islip airport); I can't wait to see what happens in this airport. Anyhow, when I left Islip
airport, I had a ticket for two flights, one that would take me to Atlanta (yes the airport with the lousy
weather that started this whole mess) with a connection that was due to get me into Miami by Midnight.
The person at the ticket counter tells me that my flight into Atlanta has been delayed 90 minutes. An arrival
time of 2 am flashes in front of my eyes. At this point, I'm almost in a panic. Finally I ask, what flights they
have into fort Lauderdale. I remember Fort Lauderdale wasn't far from Miami, and at this point I just want
to get somewhere besides Long Island. So she hooks me up with a 5 o'clock flight that will take me
directly to Fort Lauderdale. That meant that I had about three hours to kill. When I went through security
at this airport, I had no problems with my carry-on bag. I even asked, are you sure you don't want to
search my bag and see my CD PLAYER?
My stomach at this point is screaming to feed it, and quick. I grab some chicken and a big glass of
lemonade. The lemonade is the key. It's what I prefer with my Beam. After pouring the lemonade and big
ole shot of Beam into my purple-tailgating cup, I am now good to go. After eating I head towards my gate,
I need a seat by an outlet so that I can charge my cell phone before it completely dies on me. I must have
been halfway through drinking that glass of lemonade when I gave Tina a call. Her and Amy are sitting
down by the water checking out Miami. Apparently, I was already giddy. Go figure after 40 ounces of
beer and what turned out to be almost the entire flask sized bottle of beam. Tina was thinking that I might
already be at my layover in Atlanta. I tell her I'm at Kennedy, her being from Illinois, it doesn't really click
in yet. Tina mentions to Amy that I'm having a good time sitting at Kennedy airport. I hear Amy in the
background, "Kennedy, what is she doing there?"
Exactly, what am I doing here? I'm trying to get my a** to Miami. After saying goodbye to Tina and Amy
I give Vicki a call to see how far down the road she has gotten. I tell her my sad story and what time my
newest flight will get me into Fort Lauderdale. She right away said that she should hit that area around that
time and offered to pick me up. Vicki and I had never met, and we had never even talked on the phone
before today. She was so kind to offer to pick me up. Which she did. It cost me $60 to split the cab
ride from Islip to Kennedy. I didn't want to even think about how much one would cost from Fort
Lauderdale to Miami. Vicki was most definitely a lifesaver that day. Then again, Vicki might have gotten
lost a few times while driving those last 40 minutes to the hotel. Those roads were a bit confusing.
During the course of the early part of the day, I had tickets for five different planes, but in the end, I only
saw one plane. Unfortunately, by the time Vicki and I arrived at our hotel in Miami, which was to be the
site of our big party before getting on the boat, Amy and Tina were both passed out from not sleeping
enough the night before. What's really funny is that you think some people would have learned that it's hard
to travel when you don't go to bed the night before. More about that later.
So now Vicki and I have both been traveling for at least 12 hours. We are hungry, tried, and wanting to
party. It was now after 11 PM, and we needed to find some place open to serve us both some food.
Somehow we wind up on the wrong end of town, that was scary. Eventually, we make our way to the
safer part of town and find some places that are still serving food. After getting some food, we make our
way back to the hotel. At this point we realize how tired we both are and decide that we should just join
the girls in lala land.
Ah, Friday morning has arrived. It's the day we have long been waiting for, the day we board the boat and
get to spend four days with Montgomery Gentry and their band the Wild Bunch. Since Vicki and I arrived
so late last night, no one got to drink any of the Jim Beam I had brought. I still had two almost full bottles
of Beam left. The flask was gone before I ever left Long Island, and I had also opened one of the other
bottles. It was only 9 am, but we needed to drink one of those bottles. There was no way I was
smuggling two bottles of beam on that boat. There were four of us, and there was one bottle that we
needed to drink. How much harm could it do? Yeah right!
So, there I am making drinks for everyone. Shoot Amy had never had Jim Beam before. She was still a
virgin. I poured some soda in a glass for her and then put the Beam on top, but I never stirred it. When
she took a sip, she made such a face. I'm sure all she could taste was the whisky and none of the soda.
Any of the drinks I made after that, I made that they got spun, whether it was my finger or theirs doing the
spinning. After having a few drinks we stopped at the hotel's dinning room for some food. I was already
feeling the effects of the whiskey on an empty stomach.
Now that we fed ourselves some food and some alcohol, it was time to bid farewell to our hotel in
downtown Miami. As we were waiting for our cab to take us to the dock, I wanted to make a phone call.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find my cell phone. For the next 20 minutes I searched for that thing. I checked
the room twice, my luggage, just about everywhere. Before we left the hotel, I left my name and
someone's cell number just in case they found my phone. Apparently, Jim was already having an effect on
me. It was the first of many things I would lose that day. I should have stopped there, but oh no, why stop
when you're having so much fun. We actually didn't finish that bottle. I poured what was left into that
empty Jim Beam flask bottle thinking we'll finish it before we board. While waiting to get to the security
check-in, there was a sign that said something about things that you weren't allowed to bring aboard. I
ducked into the ladies room quickly and dumped that little bottle. Can you say chicken?
